White Knight

One day she stared into the mirror and said,

“There’s a hole in me I want someone to fill.

I am lonely and don’t want to be alone.

I want someone to give me everything I need!

I want to be rescued!”

As the echo of her cry died down,

the face in the mirror stared back at her for a moment;

a pregnant pause,

and then —

“I will be your white knight,

I will rescue you and we can ride off into the sunset.”

Skeptical, her brow furrowed, taken aback at the offer

so easily proffered.

The reflection continued,

“I promise to love you when no one else does,

I will fill the holes and cracks in your soul,

and teach you that being alone

doesn’t mean you ever have to be lonely.

What do you say?”

A blink, tears fall

a slow nod of her head to show her acceptance…

The face in the mirror smiled,

reached out a hand,

then placed it over her heart.

“Then let’s begin.”

(c)Kellie Kamryn, 2014

Pieces

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Old patterns and emotions shatter

scattered pieces

reflect back fragments of self

no order

chaos

confusion

darkness envelopes…

Dawn’s rays bounce off the glass

a new puzzle emerges

solvable

I sift through the wreckage

creating new structure

a masterpiece in the making

What exists because of you?

One of my readers/friend in my Facebook Divas and Dudes group said this: “Love your Facebook page. Insightful people, posts and comments. It must be cool to see something that exists because of you.”

 
It brought tears to my eyes and I had to stop and think about it. Some times we go through life, not realizing how we affect people or wondering if anyone notices us at all. So, I began to think about what other things in life exist because of ME:

 
1. My children – okay, I didn’t create them alone, but they came from my womb and it’s kinda cool. Plus, I get to nurture them and help navigate them through life – an awesome responsibility, but the key word is “awesome”.

 
2. My books – whether it’s the ones I’ve written, narrated, or narrated for someone else – I created those. They didn’t exist prior to a couple of years ago, and helping other authors make a new product because of a talent I possess is wicked awesome.

 
3. My friendships – I can’t say “my friends” because they existed without me, but our friendship exists because of effort put into it by both of us, and that is also awesome.
4. My facebook group where I interact with my readers and friends. It’s an awesome and supportive place where we talk about a lot of things and have fun. If you want to join, the link is above.

 
5. My Love for – well everything. If I didn’t nurture the love in my heart, I wouldn’t be able to share it with my family, friends, readers, and the world in general. My Love is unique, it exists because of me, and I love sharing it.

 

How about you? What exists in this world because of you?

Getting REAL

My oldest daughter asked me what my New Year’s resolutions are. I told her I didn’t do resolutions, and sent her this pic instead:

1170800_10153650969610128_557012146_nFollowing your dreams, or making a plan to go after what you want is important. Without dreaming, human beings might become soulless shells of ourselves, wandering around with no ability to give our lives meaning or purpose. Over the years, as I’ve pursued my passions, I’ve encouraged others to do so. And now I want to encourage people to do something else: GET REAL.

For a long time, I lived in what I call the Land of Potential. I always saw how things could be, I worked toward my goals, I made plans, I fed my psyche positive affirmations like a drug addict snorts cocaine. (Actually, I don’t know if that analogy is correct as I’ve never done drugs in my life, but I hope you get the idea.) I turned myself into a positive person. I dove into my stories, created other worlds and happy endings, hoping that one day I too would have this elusive happy ending. I mean, if you fake it long enough, eventually it should come true, right?

As my friends and readers know, three years ago, my marriage ended. At the time, I remember going public with it, finally no longer feeling like a fraud by pretending my life was an HEA when it wasn’t.

Skipping over the past three years, I’m going to insert you into my life about a month prior when I discovered a lump in my armpit. Terrified it would be cancer, I sought medical advice and was told it was a cyst. Nothing to worry about, right?

Wrong.

I developed more cysts and boils on the surface of the skin. Turns out I had shingles and a staph infection. It would have been easy for me to delve into the world of my books – write a story, narrate some more, pick up my kindle and read one of the hundreds of books  I never get time to read. Submersing myself in the land of make-believe sounded like a great idea, but I knew I couldn’t do that this time.

I knew for myself, I have a habit of manifesting physical conditions when I’m letting go of things emotionally. These illnesses were information and I needed to listen. I won’t bore anyone with the details of my healing, but I will say that I took this opportunity to listen to myself, and figure out what I needed to do to heal.

Well-meaning friends told me to “envision the life I wanted” once I was well. While I sincerely appreciate their well wishes and sentiments, as I’m sure I’ve said this to others on occasion, I knew that envisioning my future life illness free was not what I needed to do. I had to “get real” with myself, look at the life I had and live in reality.

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“Getting real” for me meant taking a look back at the past and seeing my life for what it was, not what I would have liked it to have been like. I had to come to terms with the fact that in any given situation, I did the best I could with the knowledge and awareness I had at the time. I had to stop eating myself up inside (and quite literally with the infection I had) over things I could not change.

Being real with myself also meant, I had to deal with the current situation. I put on hold all work projects until the New Year, a situation I’m blessed to be able to do. A lot of people might not have this “luxury”. I meditated a lot, I slept A LOT, I made outings short if I had to venture out, and did what was best for me in the moment. While the Christmas season can be blessed with joy, it’s also a time when others place expectations on you for visitation, outings, etc. I made sure to do what was best for me and while I made apologies for not being able to attend some events, I did not allow myself to feel guilty in the least for not living up to the expectations of others.

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I took the opportunity to see how different my life, and all the wonderful people I’ve brought into it by changing my life one step at a time. I realized how much love and support I had in various forms which I did not have three years ago. Accepting that the hard work I’ve done inwardly, as well as outwardly, has paid off was a wonderful realization.

 So, here’s my long-winded point: Make your vision boards, set your goals, dream big about how you’d like your life to be. But don’t get so caught up in the fantasy, you forget to live your life for real.

Your goals will only be met if you put the work into it, if you deal with your life on a daily basis and live in the moment. Is that always fun or pleasant? No. Is it necessary? I believe so. It is for me.

Keep your day dreams where you can see them, just don’t make them all you see. Some times we want something so bad, we try to force it or create a reality that isn’t there. Be open to the journey and let things unfold as they should. It’s easy for us to stay with the familiar because it’s…well, familiar. This quote from Jeremy Wade of River Monsters fame, summed up how I feel about any new venture in life, whether it’s career, relationships or what have you:

“Dejected, I stared at the water and pondered the strange mechanics of perception – the perplexing fact that you can only see something properly if you already know what you’re looking for.” (Jeremy Wade, River Monsters, 2011) It’s difficult for us to perceive of anything new when we’ve never seen it before. But isn’t that half the fun of life – to venture into uncharted territory and see what happens?

In conclusion, dream big and create the reality you want, but I think Jean-Luc says it better:

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